In the excitement of meeting someone, falling in love, getting the thumbs up from the Lord, parents and your Pastor, there is a lot of talking and a lot of questions asked.
What are your plans for the future?
How do you like your eggs in morning?
How is your walk with the Lord?
And many others!
One question that should be at the top of the enquiry list but is often neglected is the question of: ‘Do you want to have children?’
Some people go into courtship and eventually marry having never asked this question due to an assumption that both parties will desire ‘to be fruitful and multiply’. Yet this is a very dangerous assumption to make. Single-hood /Marriage Counsellor, Dorike Adesunloye warns of the dangers of not establishing both party’s ambitions and desires in regards to having children. Consider this, what would happen if:
You get married only to find that your spouse has never desired and feels that they will never desire to have children?
You get married and you discover that your partner is unable to have children due to a medical condition
You get married with the dream of having 5 children and your spouse has never wanted anymore than 1 child?
You get married to find that your spouse has purposely undertaken medical procedures to ensure that they never have children?
These are certainly not issues that you want to find out after you have entered into a life time commitment with someone. There have been many real stories of couples who had not discussed the issue of having children before getting married only to discover that they had completely different desires in this area. The results are a lot of pain and struggle in the marital home.
So, in all your asking and discovering of each other, be sure not to overlook the most obvious yet fundamental of questions – Do you want children?
If you want to know more about how to glorify God in your single-hood, how to prepare for marriage and how to experience a Godly courtship then you should attend the Starbright Single Seminar